When I was first infected with HIV I remember seeing a famous painting by Briton Riviere of Daniel in the Lion's Den. Daniel is looking up through a window his face bathed in light, and behind him are the lions, several feet away, being held content by the hand of God...actually..the biblical version says that God held their mouths tight.
Well...that was 12 years ago and since then that painting has always been reminded me of myself and HIV. I stand in his light and love and it alone has allowed me to progress. I stand in awe of him....God. My enemy is very clear and defined and God has allowed me to walk in the valley of death and come out unscathed. I have seen very good friends die. One after another year after year. (and still today) I keep their funeral cards in a box. Why Me? Why am I still here? We are all sinful, but, some are more sinful than others? Does that mean they deserve to die? What about those that are less sinful? These are not things for me to know. That is my understanding.
Allow me this place to share this thought. I consider my sin and it is painful. Despite knowing him and having a relationship with him...I still continue to sin. Why should he have gone to that cross for me? I fail by nature. Why should he even want to protect me from my HIV? What I really deserve is for the HIV to ravage my body, to decapitate my immune system and allow infection to go rampant. I should whither...dry up and die. That is what I deserve.
But he chose me. He chose me. He chose me and he loves me so much....that he would send his Son as the lamb the final sacrifice for my sin. When he looks at me, he sees his own his Son, and that pleases him. ....and I can feel it please him...I can feel his love full and afresh, an open window letting in light and fresh air... All because his Son went to the cross for me.
Yes. I sit in my den. My enemy to my left and to my right. I live under scrutinous eyes waiting for me to succumb or be overtaken. But it is with the Son that I will triumph and be delivered. My return to full time work will be victory over my enemy.
Darius, seeing Daniel still alive acknowledged that Daniel's God had delivered him.
God continues to work in my live and my own deliverance....
Imagine spending eternity with the thoughts of how good God can be.....