was today. Yes...today was a good day. I received a gift from God today. I spent a morning forgeting that I was HIV+. Even after I took my meds I was fresh and alive. The best I have felt in quite a long time.
Well...let me go back a few weeks. Work has been a real struggle lately. My last boss got canned and a new one came along. For me personally this means disclosing my HIV nature, AGAIN, to yet another person. It becomes tiresome doing this with management. I am limited to how much I can work and when I can work.
The new manager, the store director, is a really great guy. But, I still have not told him about my situation. Perhaps the other managers have, I do not know. Depressing...sometimes I cannot contribute as much in work as I would like. I am a team player, I just have a limited role. I am good at what I do, and what I do stands alone. I always feel though I could do so much more. But, I have constraints due to my disease.
Over the past few weeks I was feeling really energyless. Probably not even a word...but I lacked energy. On top of it all, my neuropathy in my feet has been going wild. I would arrive in work at 7am and a half hour later my feet would be throbbing and I would be really tired. There were days that I dreaded going to work because it was such torture. I suffer mentally as well, when I am not able to produce.
Basically, the HIV has been kicking my butt. In 1994 I met the governments requirements to be diagnosed with Aids. My T cell count was below 200 (97) and I has more than two opportunistic infections. Recently I was with someone from church, and they did not know I was diagnesed with Aids. I meet the governments requirents, but I definiteley would never be the poster child. I am kind of like...a fat Harrison Ford or a fat Dennis Quaid. LOL..
Truthfully I have never suffered from any form of wasting. Unlike my wife...who wasted away the last six months of her life. If anything I have ballooned so big...I have reached the other side of the spectrum.
Well, over the last few days I have realized how fortunate I am. I am alive. I didn't expect to be alive this long. But I am in God's good graces and still very much alive.
I live within God's Kingdom here on Earth. I love it. I love God's people. I love serving God. He loves me. (and you)
Today, I received the gift from God. For a small time I forgot I was HIV+. I was fruitful today at work. I was a whole person today. Accomplished more work than I have in a long time. I spent this morning within God and he spent it within me. It feels like it has been so long since this happened.
I bow my head this evening in simple thanks.