I knew...The Cup I was receiving years ago. HIV, illness and medication have all been easy compared to The Cup.
The Cup has been difficult. The Cup has pushed all envelopes for 13 years. Violence and insolence are the contents of The Cup. The Cup is self serving and never takes any responsibility for any of the wrongs it commits. The Cup has immediate highs and even faster lows. The Cup strikes its blows quickly with little respect and even less remorse.
Tender Beauty came to me with The Cup. The Beauty was short lived and The Cup it left behind. Together Alone The Cup and I were left. I had grown to love both Beauty and Cup. Quickly I became known as the Cup's Master.
Having lost The Beauty, I, the Master, Wrestled with The Cup. It has been a constant struggle, The Cup wanting its freedom, however, its contents are unwanted in The World.
With The Cup came volumes of advice. Some would even dare to taste the contents of The Cup, and quickly they would hand The Cup back to me. Departing and gossiping to their friends on how nasty The Cup tasted.
I watch those leaving in despair. Knowing my fate as the CupBearer. God had given me The Cup along with The Beauty. To love and to cherish til death do we part.
The Beauty has long departed...leaving The Cup and I inseparable.
Last Night The Cup spilled its contents upon my face. Bruised and defeated I called for help....
The dismal reality comes to light that I have lost both Beauty and Cup. The Cup needs to be shelved...high and far from reach of all that are tempted to test its contents....
The Cup is Nick. The Beauty is my wife. Last night Nick unleashed on my left eye. The blood gushed..and he fled. I had to call the Cops. I have always fought....what Father would call the Cops on his own son....But I cannot get the help Nick needs without documentation. They took him away in cuffs. He is back now...and of course he is behaving....but I know the reality is that he needs help. I have always been an advocate of Nick getting help. He is mixing narcotics on top of the strong drugs he must take to help modify his behavior.
I have him once again on a short leash. I know soon..within a day..or a few hours...he will quickly forget his deeds. He will scream, kick, call me horrible names. Remind me in horrible ways that I am not his Father and that I and his white muffin brothers can rot in hell.
I am often reminded that I am Nick. Often I behave like Nick with my own heavenly Father.
There is a lot of advice. Lots of advice, but no one wants The Cup. The Cup rejects them...and no one likes to be rejected. I am ejected and rejected everyday for 13 years.
The Cup is not in Christ..but Christ bears The Cup along with me. I hold on to that...my Cup is nothing compared to THE CUP Christ bears.
Christ is my fortress. He bears my Cup..and his support helps me bear The Cup I have been given....