I can really relate to Robyn Williams character Sean in “Good Will Hunting”. Perhaps a third of the way through the movie a line is said that really moves me.
Sean(Robyn Williams) talking to Will (Matt Damon) : And you wouldn't know how it felt to be her angel and to have the love to be there for her forever - through anything - through cancer. You wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in a hospital room for two months holding her hand and not leaving because the doctors could see in your eyes that the term *visiting hours* doesn't apply to you.
I saw this movie several years after Cindy passed away and it really encapsulated for me the love I felt for my wife. Suffering and Love have a lot in common. I do not know who to credit this quote. It may be CS Lewis or Spurgeon...“With Great Love comes Great Pain. There is a cost to loving deeply.“
I will add: With Great Love comes Great Pain. But the Joy that accompanies Great Love offsets and totally annihilates any Suffering.
I learned in the arms of my most precious companion how to treasure every second we had together here on Earth. The time we are apart feels like an eternity.
So. Having been released from my transgressions from a man I could not see was having its impact. I don't remember parking the car. I don't remember unloading the kids or the walk past the nurses station. I do remember the blue double stroller I was pushing. I also remember the long hall that goes from the cafeteria to the elevators. The Elevator rides were always interesting. Particularly with Nick since he liked to press every button. Cindy was staying on the sixth floor so it was a long ride.
Having arrived on the sixth floor we weaved through some obstacles and finally made it to Cindy's room. At the time....1993...they tended to isolate people with HIV. I will not get into that, but it is a lot different today. Well we finally arrived at the room and I remember looking through the door and having a very astonished reaction.
Cindy was sitting up on the edge of the bed. Fully dressed. Her hair was shining. I remember her perfect smile with large white straight teeth filling the room. Her face was glowing. Cindy never wore makeup. She had great facial color and an unblemished complexion. Her face was set with high cheekbones that woman today pay big bucks to have surgically placed. She was absolutely beautiful and it was astonishing to see her so well.
Apparently overnight everything miraculously cleared. Chest clear, fever gone, and she had regained enough strength to take a shower. It was two weeks of hell that came to a slamming halt. Cindy was sitting there waiting for our Doctor Weinberg to come in and release her. This was great news to me.
While Cindy was ogling the kids and trying to catch up on lost time with them I noticed a bunch of nurses pouring into our room. They all came to see the children and right away I saw that Cindy was with her comrades. She was also a nurse. I recognized that day that nurses are like police or firefighters. They had a club and they talked nurse jargon and understood and empathized with each other in a way I could never relate. I wasn't a nurse.
While all this was going on the charge nurse of the floor asked me to come outside. A very friendly lady. She said to me, “Mr. Jacopec (that's my Dad's name), our floor adopted your family for Christmas this year and we hope you would not feel funny receiving some gifts we collected for you.”
She then took me down the hallway. At the end of the hallway was a huge pile of gifts. I was thinking at first that I was supposed to just pull a few gifts from the pile for the Boys. I said “Oh thats great! Which ones am I allowed?” The Charge Nurse replied, “Oh No, they are all for your family.” I began to get really weak in the knees and for the second time in one day I began to weep.
I mentioned in the first part that I was a giver and never a taker. But it was this day that I realized something further. There are takers. And they will take and take and take. There are times however, for someone to receive, and this was far different than taking. People need a place to pour out their love. I have always been aware of people that take and taking has become their lifestyle. Taking and Receiving are two different monsters. Receiving a gift that is unsolicited is a humbling and moving experience. Particularly for someone that has dedicated their life to giving.
I returned to my wifes room. Very aware of the answers to prayer that were constantly unfolding before me. It was December 22, 1993. I remember looking around The Blessed Room. My recovering wife,picturesque, holding Andrew. Justin playing on the bed at her folded knees. Nick was busy with a dark haired nurse both of them smiling. My face was wet with tears and I was basking in the moment soaking up the Joy of the Christmas Spirit that had been poured into the room on the sixth floor of Monmouth Medical Center.