The worse part about this whole thing is that I just cannot sleep. Altogether, I take Ambien, Elovil, Xanax, Topomax and my HIV drugs. And I fight my demons all night long.
Two Nights Ago, I woke up 3:30 in the morning and called my sister in law in West Cape May.
Me: Hi Carol.
Carol:(Barely Audible) hi matt
Me:Carol. This is your Twilight Zone phone Call.
Carol: oh. that's nice.
Matt: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, etc.
Yes...I was out of it. When I spoke to Carol last night, we just laughed. I said I bet most phone calls she got at that time were from drunks, but she said most phone calls she got at that time were about family member's dying. So....when I call her house...I tell my nephew to tell his Mother...“Twilight Zone” is on the phone.
Ok. Thank you for all of your help and support. I think my period of tears is over. No guarantee there. I will not cry in front of Nick. Nor will I ever allow him ever to think he ever has any feelings of control over this situation.
I have had great counsel on this situation. The Counsel is he can't come home because I do not feel safe. Period. I feel threatened for my boys, myself and my community. Period. In order for the drugs to be effective to treat his Bi-polar disorder and his other mental illnesses,he needs help for his blaring substance abuse problem. This is to be done out of home and then...he will have to go into a long term residential treatment program.
I sound pretty smart. :) Bah. God has just placed smart people in my life. I am like any good President. I have two days to sharpen my negotiating skills. Monday morning I go in to negotiate Nicholas' future. What will show up on Monday morning will be a fine, sharp tool that has only one purpose. To get Nicholas the best care that is possible for his future.
Going with me will be my Aaron and my Hur. Bill Meyer and Mike Hrehovcik. We move within each other's inner circle and receive each other's counsel with respect. It is a beautiful thing to watch and it works. I also have an emergency phone number to call to my Sister in Law Carol. She heads a program in Cape May similar to one Nick should be in. She has often said it is too bad Nick was not in her school. But, such is God. I hope it does not get to calling Carol. But I will if I have to. She knows the system and the jargon and she said there exists such a thing as professional courtesy, even among Social Workers.
Oh...on a side note. When Carol and I were talking yesterday..I told her my middle of the night Twilight Zone phone call was the first test of the first step for her PHD in Social Work. (which i think she is thinking about) and I told her she failed. LOL :P You know Carol. I wish you didn't live so far away.