Warning. There is some Graphic detail to follow for all faint at heart. My hope is that none of what I do here glorifies me, but glorifies the Father and how woderful it is to have a relationship with him. A simple Yes to God, a Yes to Jesus can make so much difference in your own life. Cindy and I said YES long before any hardship ever befell us. It made life that much easier. 
This is one of my favorite Pictures. It is taken New Year's Eve 1993. Cindy was happy when she was warm, bundled and by me. I was still working at this point and we really had no clue how much longer Cindy would live. She had lost a lot of weight and there were several more hospital visits ahead in 1994. But, we were with some of our best friends this night and we could care less...
Cindy's health did decline quite a bit and rapidly. She planned my Surprise Birthday party in February when I turned 29. Afterwards it was amazing to see her organizational abilities. She had charts for food, people, phone numbers and other possible dates. She still had all of her marbles.
But...AIDS is not a very nice disease. The more compromised you get the more areas it will infect/affect. During April of 1994 Cindy's thought patterns became quite peculiar. She was suffering from a form of dementia and had to be hospitalized. Things took a turn for the worse when she tested positive for Tuberculosis. She lost more weight than I thought was possible and our usually positive Dr. Weinberg for the first time took me out in the hall and told me Cindy's time was closing.
I remember our Pastor,Robert, coming and praying. He prayedfor a long time and when he left the hospital room his eyes were tear filled. He said something comforting before he left. It was probably an offer to stay. I will let you in on a secret. Even if I wanted to say yes...I said no. I have this trigger within me that automatically releases anyone that might feel obligated to me. Perhaps he was grateful or just respectful, I don't know, but he left, and I was alone with my wife.
Cindy had been comatose for three days. Not a word, not a movement, nothing. Just the slightness of her chest moving up and down, barely confirming that she was breathing. It was getting late and I finally fell asleep in the reclining chair next to her bed. I was startled awake by a voice. It was a dry voice, grating and soft. “You sure do sleep a lot.” These were the grandest words I have ever heard. I opened my eyes to see Cindy wide eyed and alert staring at me.
Miraculously Cindy recovered enough to transport her home from the Monmouth Medical Center. She came home to die. This was in late May right before Justin’s Second Birthday. Cindy was home for the party and it was a really good time. Both families came and many friends were present.
Cindy and Andrew when she first came home. He was only 10 months.
During this time Cindy was attended by Nurses provided from a local agency. At first it was 16 hours a day. I basically covered 8 hrs myself. No big deal. We also had a few visits from a Hospice Chaplain. She was helpful and explained that she really loved when she came across a Christian like Cindy that suffered so well. We spoke about birthing and the process Cindy was undergoing of being birthed into heaven.
The last two weeks of Cindy’s life we I threw a small birthday party for her. I steamed a large lobster and promised her anything she would want for her birthday. A strange thing happened. Up until now Cindy was struggling with dementia. She had accused nurses of beating the children and me throwing her out the window. It was at this moment that her mind cleared. Her thoughts became as crystal water. For the next two weeks I had my wife back. God had removed the lesions that were on her brain and Cindy was thinking and processing all that was around her and she was communicating it with what was now a very simple child like voice.
Cindy knew she was dying. Often she asked me to pull up a chair next to her and sit. We held hands like lovers constantly. We would spend the time together that Cindy treasured and desired. That was her only wish, to be with me. Though a nurse was present I was the primary caretaker. I can remember the smells in the room, the fragrances of all the lotions and perfumes that were used and the atmosphere of the music that was being played.
Saturday August 6th Cindy announced she was ready to die. She wanted me to call Bob Guadagnino and Robert Parkinson and have them come over so she could talk to them. They both came and Robert brought his wife Dawn. 
Here is the Parkinson Family. Robert, our Pastor at the time, and Dawn of course his beautiful wife and their children.
Cindy individually tells Robert and Bob that she is ready to die. She knows that the boys and I are going to be all right and that God will provide for us. But she knows her time here is ending and she is tired and ready to go home.
This is now Saturday Evening and Robert asks Cindy if she would like to do Communion. Her eyes light up and she says yes. We all surround her hospital bed that sits in the middle of my living room. Myself, Bob, Dawn (Robert’s wife), Zina (the Nurse) and Robert. Robert takes the elements and puts them on a TV table on his side.
I Corinthians 23For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, 24and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 25In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.
So Robert had distributed the elements to everyone including Cindy. When Cindy went to drink the wine/grape juice we noticed that the bread was stuck in her mouth/throat. Between the Nurse, myself and Robert we all tried to get the bread out because of fear it may choke Cindy. But she fought us off. She held onto that bread in her mouth/throat. Later on we would realize it was symbolic of how hard she had clung to Christ through her illness.
Cindy had run a good race. Put up a good fight was a true warrior. Her tenacity with holding onto the bread in her mouth showed her true love for Christ. I have never seen anyone partake in the Last Supper the way Cindy did I probably never will. I might be a little bias but I am not so sure. I think it is one of God’s gifts to me to witness and be part of something so powerful and moving.
Robert was preparing to leave late that evening. Cindy was fading and two words were barely coming out of her mouth. We both leaned closer and I realized something weird, it was like listening to the Tin Man on the Wizard of Oz. She could barely speak. The two words came again. Then Robert exclaims “I think she said something about feet!” We both look down…and Cindy’s feet are crushed against the bottom head board. Doh! Together we gently pull her up.
With tears in his eyes Robert prayed for Cindy one very last time. He left knowing that he may not see Cindy here again on this Earth. As he departed I remember thinking about him. Our marriage counseling, the wedding, the Tuesdays he spent here after traveling back from his classes in Penn. (way before “Tuesday’s with Morrie“) just the amount of time he spent investing in my family. Robert had become a very good friend. I miss him.
August 7, 1994 5 am. I hardly slept. My wife was dying. There will be other times to sleep. I see Cindy’s lips moving again. I bend down to hear what she is trying to say. “I really hurt.” I heard those three words. They chopped me down. I turned my head to God and pleaded to change spots. I was the sinner. I had more worldly experience I deserved the seat of judgment that was coming. Cindy was the Lamb. She was so pure and innocent. I had never met anyone so pure an innocent in my life and here I was on the threshold of them being taken away. Cindy whispered again, “I really hurt.”
I ran. Looking for the nurse. Looking for Zina. I find her and tell her Cindy is hurting. I was frantic. Zina put a call into the Doctor because it will be a med change. 15 minutes later, there is no call back from the Doctor. Zina points to the MS Contin on the table and says to me, “Matt, Cindy is obviously in pain. I do not know why the on call Dr. has not called yet. I am going to walk out of the house and you can do what you want with the MS Contin.” (HINT!) So Zina left and the Holy Spirit came. I prayed. I opened up the MS Contin and gave my wife several pills. Within minutes her pain disappeared. Her breathing evened and and her state relaxed.
Zina later on reasoned with me and encouaged me to go to Church. It was Sunday. I left and prayed. They came and got me…during the service, I had to go home. Cindy was declining rapidly. Several people followed and everyone that came got their own special time with Cindy. I sat out back with my Dad and took a walk with a friend. At 5:29 pm I walked into the house…Cindy took her last gasp. Her Mother was holding one hand and her friend Betsie was holding the other.
Now the most wonderful part. Cindy said goodbye. I was standing in the open door and Cindy’s spirit entered my chest went up through my head and out the door. The room was empty. No more Cindy. Our Bond was broken. I fell to my knees and howled. To this day I can remember everyone slowly leaving the room as I howled. Zina closed all the windows and I howled. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The separation of Man and Wife.
This is a picture anonomously given to me after Cindy died with a note attached to the back. With Dignity Cindy You gracefully showed me a soldier of God you stood strong. And though you were frail your faithfulness prevailed and victory in Jesus was Won
Part 4 The Beast and his Other Work