We had an interesting Sunday at Church.
Thursday at our weekly leader's breakfast, I asked Bill how do I let the rest of the church know about Nicholas? This might be a shock to you all, but this has gone so fast, and the process is so deep that I have kept it close. It is “Family” business. In addition I have tried to explain Nicholas' condition to people and because he is so handsome, and appears so normal they just do not understand. It can can easily look like the evil step Father.....and sometimes I feel like the evil step father..... ;(
anyway....I shared with Bill that I had it put it in the prayer section of the bulletin to pray for Nick this week...and pray for my neuropathy. Having done this it might be a great opportunity to go to the front after announcements and share with the church what was going on with Nicholas, and at the same time rally support from the church because I cannot function in similar fashion to that I have in the past. (My feet hurt all the time now. I walk like a duck I think, nobody has said anything...that is because nobody would tease me like I would tease them. One of my many vises. I often joke about needing to imbued the book of Proverbs into my head so I can control my tongue. I get myself in so much trouble because I speak so fast and with quick whit, and what I think is funny....is not necessarily funny to all. But it is to me...
Sunday comes..and it was a beautiful day here in Jersey. My feet of course hurt. I wake up Andrew and Justin. I get a phone call from my friend Kevin, he cannot setup, that is ok...feet start to grumble...we go..and there are Kim...and Rich...the Elder. Kevin called Rich too. God does provide. My feet start to applaud! I am really serious here....it is getting that bad...I have to work today and they have given me a helper....at least I have manipulated it for a short time....
The Worship team comes and we have three teams....this is a family...and joining the family is the son-in-law that just got back from Egypt serving as an LT. in the Army He is a great guy...he is huge...6'4or5. After setup is complete I pull a football out and we start throwing it back and forth. He is a talented athlete too!..a police officer in an impoverished area.......this guy has it all. I start throwing the ball at his Mother in Law's face and he sends out a hand at the last moment to stop it...he is so talented... Then my feet start to hurt... God was having fun with us in his sanctuary..but he wanted us to stop...
Well...we had great worship...I got involved in a computer problem in the back...and it became time for me to share...and Bill summons me to the front, I had nothing planned....but God sure did......and the Holy Spirit took over...Here is what I remember...
....”Nicholas has been in my life since he has been 2 years old. My wife and I got married when he was three...blah blah blah...we had some incidents...blah blah blah....Kimball Pess , Newark CC-IS, Monmouth CC-IS, then to Brisbane...Nicholas has been diagnosed with hair trigger Explosivity Disorder...the other day...he was sitting at lunch. H thought a hamburger tasted like pork...a kid told him it was beef...he reached across the table and laid the boy out. Four men came out and dragged Nick to his room...he busted it apart...and the gave him a 72 hour Thorazine shot. And had Assault charges filed.”
Leaning on the podium with my feet starting to throb, I let everyone know that with counsel I had kept most of this information close, it was “Family Business“. It was available for anyone that probed or asked or cruised here at my blog, but basically I was being discerning on how much content on was being released and who was getting it. So, I shared with my “Church Family“ about Nick...and now everyone knows about the “Family Business“ and we can all share it with discernment.
I then shared about my neuropathy. In the beginning, Pastor Bill introduced that I was having a set back. Which is true...but I also wanted to deliver the praise reports of Nicholas finally getting where he needs to be after 13 years of prayer from 4 churches... Plus...my T-cell jumped another 90 pts to 360....and I lost 35lbs. I weigh 276lb. Now I am 6'6“. hehe........nah...I am 5'7“...If I can get to 268 that will be how much I weighed when I got out of the hospital right before September 11th.
Okay...I am dragging this on. Well...I shared about my neuropathy. Many people do not realize I have been suffering from neuropathy for several years. I have just learned to live in pain. Pain, dizziness, upset stomachs, cotton mouth, you name it...I got it. Big smiles too... :) But I was sharing with my friend Vince tonight.......it doesn't hurt, it HURTS and it hurts a lot. It consumes my thoughts. Remember when you were in love.....and the one that you were infatuated with consumed your every thought....well...there it is. .I shared with the church my pain... I shared the direction I felt I was heading. I know God can heal, I personally have been the beneficiary of great healing! But God says “No” sometimes and we have to accept No and continue to pursue healing at the same time. It took 13 years to get Nick into the place he needed to be! This is after many dead ends and no's and a lot of yes's. “No” might mean yes to something else too! and what does my “no” mean to the person next to me watching my struggles and how I am handling them! Suffer Well...!
Listen up. I am a big cry baby. Because as I was sharing that I knew I was going to need help with the setup and take down ministries that I love to serve on so dearly, I started to cry.... My friend Tony Marano, who has been my Elder as long as I have been saved, ran to my side, (Sept 1987) (I'm crying again, because I know what happens..) next thing I know....I'm surrounded by my church and being prayed....and being loved....and lifted.... My feet begin to hurt even more! But that is ok! I am one of the most Blessed Men that has Walked (ha ha) on this Dirt.
My Feet Still Hurt. No miracles yet. :( I get prayed for every chance I get. Tonight I have switched gears a little bit. I left Sunday and one of my closing thoughts on Sunday night to Bill was ....What have I done? Do you think I want the Spotlight? You see....Bill never got to Preach his sermon that Day. He was sensitive to the Spirit...as was I... But I answered my question as I said it... Bill I know the answer to this question...I just have to ask it.....
II Corinthians 12: 9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly abou my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.