I am in possession of an artifact from my past. Attached to this artifact is one of those stories that I tell about 6 or 7 times a year. It is my belief the story is amusing and it is a story that I always get around to telling people while we are passing time in the break room, hanging around at the pool, or on Sunday during coffee after Church. It is just a good story...and I generally share it with people after they have known me for awhile. Well, you all have known me for awhile...
It must have been the Summer of 1990. I was traveling with my friends Andy and Mike. I can only recall that we went to go see a Mets game. Now let me tell you about every trip I have ever made to Shea Stadium. Each one is never the same, generally I point the car in the northern direction and pray. I cannot tell you how many times I have circled Flushing Meadows before landing at Shea. I would have a better chance of landing at JFK Airport, I never can find the right exit ramp for the parking lot for Shea.
I think the Met's were playing the Pirates but I have no clue who won. It must have been a day game, because I remember Andy getting this horrible sunburn and also the return trip was in the daylight hours. It must have been a Sunday too, there was a lot of traffic leaving the stadium that day. Of course I had even less clue going home from Shea than I had coming in... Andy and Mikey, boasting Met's fans , had the brilliant idea of traveling across the island and grabbing Holland tunnel.
This was not a problem. I drove, we were in my brother Jack's borrowed Nissan. It was a pretty sporty car and a lot of fun to drive. We leave Shea and drive over a few bridges and of course, hit traffic.. Andy, my trusty navigator falls asleep. I remember now the sunburn he had and how red his face had turned. We sit in stop and go traffic on Canal St. for quite a long time. It must have been an hour, probably felt like two. This was a new car so the air conditioning worked fine and the radio was great but still time is time, when you have to wait.
We finally arrive at the end of Canal St. and I have this guy riding my rear end the whole way. I enter this light with plenty of time...but traffic goes nowhere and the light turns red.....with me sitting in the middle of the grid locked intersection with about 10-15 other cars. Now...this was kind of a funny. It was like the Keystone Cops. Beforehand I have never seen any Police Officers....but as soon as there was gridlock....I am telling you.....about 20 cops jumped out of the ground...and ran to all the cars that were trapped. It was quite comic.. I still do not have a clue where they were hiding. Unfortunately I was one of those grid locked cars.
Well we get a typical New York Cop. Dark hair, husky, thick New York City accent, “License, Registration and Insurance”. Me, (gulp) “Yes Officer.” I grab my license, then I reach into the glove compartament....there is an expired registration and no insurance card. Me, “Uhh...Officer...your never going to believe this.” I knew I was in trouble. I saw the tow wreckers on the side of the street just waiting for guys like me. The other Cops were busy writing tickets and our Boy in Blue looked like he was getting ready to whip into action, whistling for help when from the back seat came probably the bravest words I have ever heard recited in my entire life.
“Excuse me officer, how about some professional courtesy?” The Boy in Blue leaned down and looks through my window. I turn around and look in amazement. Sure enough there was Mikey sitting in the back seat. He had out his wallet and had it open baring his badge. The Boy in Blue looked even more quizzically,”let me see that?” and across my face goes Mikey's badge.
Mind you all......I give Mikey a lot of credit. At the time he was a Park Ranger. He patrolled the parks and ticketed Mommy's for disposing of their diapers incorrectly. Mikey was dead on professional courtesy serious. I was looking at my friend...with his cocky, don't worry Matt I'll get us out of this attitude, and then I was looking at the badge as it was going across my face being handed to the Boy in Blue. All I could read was “Park Security“ which you can all see very clearly. I remember thinking to myself “I am so dead, I wonder what New York City Jails are like?“
I remember the Boy in Blue taking the badge. I remember his expression.....“what are you nuts?“ “are you kidding me?“ his face held the expression of someone that regarded what Mikey did as incredulous, bold and part idiot. What he did next is so memorable. He took Mikey's badge and tossed it at him. He stood up and and straightened his belt....and said,
Boys, Do me a favor, get out of here. Go Back to Jersey.
Just two footnotes. Andy, my roommate at the time, continued to sleep throughout this whole ordeal. This tid bit kind of gives this story lore. The second footnote is that Mikey presented me with the badge last night as a gift. It just goes to show you what kind of guy Mikey is and I really appreciate his gesture and kindness. It is a common denominator that is common in all of my friends. I will promise you all one thing, I will not use this badge to get me out of trouble in the future. It remains in retirement. It did its tour of professional courtesy.