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Life's Paradox: To Have Found God and Still Pursue Him
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Road Block

I have had a major road block on my road to returning to work full time.
I run into a major problem paying for my HIV meds.  The program I am in now that pays for my meds encourages  people to go back to work, however, there is only so much you can make.  I was OK..if it was just my own salary.  But....duh......I am married and Sue's counts as well. 

It is not anyone's fault.  There is another program, but I do not know if I want to fool with what I know works for now.   I have to check with Social Security and see what can be done in my situation.  If things do not work out and I am unable to continue to work.  The worse part is one of my best friends is working with me to make this job work.   Just the stress today of worrying about the future possibilities has really taken a toll. 

I know God is here and I know He is working....but am I listening correctly about what to do?  And who is talking......me or Him?  I wonder if my own desires are feeding the "inward" directions I am getting. 

Print | posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 5:59 PM

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# re: Road Block

Matt- good to hear your online voice again. Prayin' for you, always.
"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone." -Thomas Merton

4/23/2007 6:30 PM | Jessi
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# re: Road Block

Jessi, that is an awesome. We can't see the road ahead of us at time because the Lord provide us with a lamp for our feet... If He provided us with head lamps, then I think we would be distracted at what lies ahead (for me any way). Thy word is a lamp unto my feet.

Lord where there is uncertainty bring hope, where there is confusion bring clarity. Show my brother Matt the next step. In Jesus name. Amen.

Keep you in my prayers brother.
V
4/24/2007 11:28 AM | vince

 re: Road Block

hanks Jessi,
I have to agree with Vince. That was awesome and you really nailed my feelings down. I am not sure if I am ever clear. In my writing I bare my soul and when I look back...I wonder what people really think. Probably that I am just like them.

Matt
4/24/2007 2:22 PM | MrJ

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