After a few phone calls today and spending time with Sue I found out one great thing, and one, not so great thing.
The great thing I found out is that the fact that whether or not I can stay in the program does not depend on Sue's income. However, the "Return to Work" program will be subject to what I earn, and it can not make a decision until I show earning's on the job. Hmmmm....go figure. The bad item is the income level hovers just around what I may be making.
I cannot gamble with what is already working. Additonally Sue and I discussed my health. Although I have am much healthier now than in the past, I totally have not recovered my energy level. My desire to return to work full time is probably not realistic at this time. It is just that, my desire. A foolish thought and quest. There are things that can still improve and I am prayerfully going to get to the point where I can exist for a 40 hour week without feeling totally annihilated.
I once pointed out to a friend that anyone can walk out into the street and get hit by a car. Why should I behave any different than a normal healthy person. Probably one of the wisest things that was ever said to me was," Matt, you are right, but with HIV and an AIDS diagnosis, you are already walking on the yellow lines".
I have made unbelievable strides over the past several years. God's healing has been unbelievable. The people he has put in my life are awesome. They are all loyal and great people. I could never ask for any greater friends. In 1997 I had an MRI done and there were lesions on my brain. Want to talk about a dizzy time in my life. My doctor and I chose to do nothing. Two summers ago, I had another MRI and the lesions were gone. Quietly I think about the healing that I had undergone. That prayer was answered and God is always faithful.
This morning I got to spend some great time with Sue. Together we decided that I am not ready to go back to full time work. Prayerfully and with great hope perhaps one time in the future. I am grateful for as far as I have come up until now. I look forward to where I will be five years from now. All praise goes to God.