When I started looking at returning to work full time. I have to confess something. I saw it as a way out of all my problems. At least....an excuse to not deal with things that have become burdensome. It is good to get to this place for me once in awhile. To lose my focus on what really counts, to know who I am, and where I am called.
God and Family are really important to me. But, working full time gives me the excuse to step away from both. From making decisions for Nicholas' and stepping away from some ministry responsabilities. I shudder now about my thinking and how off I had gotten.
So, I am stepping back and measuring myself. Re-setting and rebooting. I know when all is clear and fresh I will be servant oriented. I will desire to continue with my ministries because that is where God has placed me. Sue and I will be ther for all of our children, always and I will be there for Sue.
Full time work would just magnify my problems and make me less able to deal with the roadbumps that follow both my health and family situation. The reality over the next few years is that I need to refocus. I do love my ministries and ashamed that they became burdensome when they really are more of blessing. My desire is to be used by God fruitfully and to do it joyfully. Both are possible and more probable.
So, this morning I am sitting here listening to worship music, getting ready for work, and seeking what God has in store for me today. Praise God.